so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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