In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize