Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
