I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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