The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
