why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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