I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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