so explain again why im purple
no
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
