Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
