I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He shit in the fireplace
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
