i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
