Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
