Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
