they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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