Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
