i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize