THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i will never coherently bang her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
