mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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