he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
