we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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