I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
