My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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