A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
