My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
