We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
