Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize