who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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