I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
please come you make the beer taste better
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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