Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
