I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
