now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Who died my cat blue again?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
