We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize