yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
