you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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