Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
