we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
