He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm passing your future prison.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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