The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
