Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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