Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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