Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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