she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
