Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
