Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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