Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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