i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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