just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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