i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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