Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
