My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
