I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
