made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
