I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
