youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
