Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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