Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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