DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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