Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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