Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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