Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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