What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
