Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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