i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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