she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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