I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
