im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
