You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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