its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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